Don’t Do Stupid: Marriage Edition – Assuming Marriage Will Fix Your Problems

(Message 1) “Don’t do stupid!” You may have seen this on a t-shirt or keychain, or maybe it was Dad’s favorite warning. In this message, we talk primarily to you singles and encourage you not to “do stupid” by assuming marriage will fix your problems. #GCDontDoStupid

Don’t Do Stupid: Assuming Marriage Will Fix Our Problems

The Top Causes of Divorce:

Money
Lack of commitment (apathy)
Abuse (substance or physical)
Infidelity
Unforgiveness (unresolved conflict)
Marrying someone outside your faith
Children from a previous relationship

4 Levels of Intimacy:

Physical
Intellectual
Emotional
Spiritual

Wait on God’s best and pray.
Work on being the person you want to marry.

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Key Scripture:

Ephesians 2:1–6 (NLT)

1 Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. 2 You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. 3 All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.

4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) 6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.

1 Corinthians 7:12–14 (NLT)

12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14 For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.

1 Corinthians 7:39 (NLT)

39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord.

Start talking. Find a conversation starter for your group.

If you’re married, what’s the best dating advice you can give to singles. If you’re single, what’s the worst dating advice you’ve ever been given?

Start sharing. These questions are to help get your group thinking and to create openness.

Read Ephesians 2:1-6. What happens spiritually when a person places their faith in Christ?
Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 and 1 Corinthians 7:39. Why is it a bad idea for a Christ follower to marry someone who is not? What advice would you give to a Christian who is married to someone who is not a Christian?
How would you describe spiritual intimacy in a marriage? What does it look like in your dating relationship or your marriage?
Pastor Troy mentioned 7 of the most common causes of divorce. Which of these have been an area of contention in your dating relationship or marriage?
Why are children often a source of conflict in a marriage or dating relationship? If the children are from a previous relationship, how does that impact the relationship dynamic?As a step child or step parent, how have you experienced this conflict personally?
Discuss the following statement: Work on being the person you want to marry.
How can our small group and our church help to foster healthy and Christ centered dating relationships and marriages?

Start doing. Commit to a step and live it out this week.

If you’re dating and not yet married, pray about your relationship and have an honest conversation about your intentions. If you’re married, identify the area where you can most improve as a spouse and ask God to help you be more obedient in that area: finances, health, servant leadership, submission, kindness, etc.

Start praying. Be bold and pray with power.

Thank God that He has revealed His love to us, and that He desires for us to be in loving, healthy relationships that glorify Him. Ask God to help you become the spouse or relationship partner He calls you to be.

Start digging. For further study.