Don’t Do Stupid: Marriage Edition – Ignoring Each Other’s Needs

5 Love Languages:
5lovelanguages.com

1. Acts of Service
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Physical Touch
5. Words of Affirmation

What are HER needs?

1. Kindness and Gentleness
2. Conversation and Affection (R-O-M-A-N-C-E)
3. Loving Leadership

What are HIS needs?

1. Respect and Admiration
2. Sexual Fulfillment
3. Proactive Support

How do I meet the needs of my spouse?
Action Steps:

1. Go home and have an honest, teachable conversation
2. Learn to ask for what you need
3. Start being present in the moment
4. Stop ignoring each other’s needs

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Key Scripture:

Ephesians 5:23–25 (NLT)

23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

1 Corinthians 7:1–5 (NLT)

1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 

3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 

5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

Genesis 2:18 (NLT)

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

James 1:19 (NLT)

Romans 12:10 (NLT)

1 Timothy 5:8 (NLT)

Start talking. Find a conversation starter for your group.

• What’s your favorite movie or TV show about a married couple and why?

Start sharing. These questions are to help get your group thinking and to create openness.

• Ladies, do you agree with Pastor Clay’s list of your top 3 needs?  Men, do you agree with the list for your top 3 needs?
• Read Ephesians 5:23–25.  Discuss the biblical roles of husband and wife, and their respective responsibilities.  How do these roles and responsibilities meet each other’s needs?
• Why do you feel many married couples serve others well but struggle serving the needs of each other?
• What are your love languages?  What are your spouse’s top 2?  Where do you struggle to meet your spouse’s needs in their love language?
• Read 1 Corinthians 7:1–5.  What is the message of this passage?  Why is sex such a challenge in so many marriages, especially when approached regarding meeting each other’s needs?
• Read Genesis 2:18.  According to this passage, for what purpose did God create woman?  What are some practical applications from this passage, for men and women?
• Pastor Clay gave us 4 action steps: 1) Honest and teachable conversation, 2) Asking for what you need, 3) Being present in the moment, and 4) Stop ignoring each other’s needs.  Discuss these.  Which comes easiest for you, and which is the biggest struggle?

Start doing. Commit to a step and live it out this week.

• Ask your spouse to share with you one area where you aren’t meeting his or her needs.

Start praying. Be bold and pray with power.

• Lift up all of the marriages and relationships in your group, that God strengthens and blesses them according to His will.  Thank God for the unique gifts and contributions of group members and spouses.  Confess and repent where you have fallen short of God’s standard for sacrificial love in your relationships.

Start digging. For further study.

• Read this Got Questions article,“How can I have a godly marriage?”

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